cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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