What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
