i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Two words: blizzard sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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