Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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