i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
