In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
