matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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