i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
