I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
