Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
