i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
