Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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