I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
