My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
