She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize