I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
