If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
