Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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