I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
