She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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