hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
