i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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