Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
