And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
