You made me cry and you don't even care
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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