Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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