It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
