So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
