i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
