You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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