Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sarcasm needs its own font
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
