he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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