Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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