Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
