I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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