It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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