My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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