Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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