the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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