You're my little dorito
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
