I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
