Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
