oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
