Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sorry about my life...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
