So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
