I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
