Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
