I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
