You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
