I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
