lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
