The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
