Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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