do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
