Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
