I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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