If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
