Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
