dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
