one might say we're banned from that church
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
