also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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