Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
