jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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