If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
