Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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