Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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