clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish I only lived at night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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