You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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